Home Update

We are...as you say....back to square one. Terminix came and said there was NO structural damage and that all that needed to be done was the Termite Treatment. So $1200 later...NOT $30,000 per Mean Inspector man's estimate, we are starting over. The original buyers really had our hopes up there for a while. We got a letter from their lawyer canceling their offer a couple days after the inspector came. And our lawyer sent them back a letter detailing what the problem really was and how we had fixed it. And then they came back to look at the house again with both sets of their parents a couple days after that response letter. But we haven't heard from them since. Now the attorney's period is over and we are no longer bound to their offer we have put the house back on the market. The most unfortunate part of this whole thing is that now I really have my heart set on the house we put an offer on. Because our offer was contingent on this home sale our offer is kaput. Which means we have to work really hard to get this house sold as soon as possible so we can put in another offer before someone else snatches it up. It's funny. I feel surprisingly upbeat even though I don't want to lose the house. I just sort of feel better not being in limbo. At least now, we know what we need to do. Hopefully all of the flowers will start coming out soon! More curb appeal!!

I puke on long roller coaster rides...

Well, I think a recap of recent months events is in order.

• Feb 1:We put our house on the market. (yes, it is a crappy time to put your house on the market. But we want to start trying for more kids soon and have no place to put them in our current house.)
• March 25: After about 5 or so showings we get an offer. Yay!!!
• March 26:After a couple of counter offers back and forth we land on a mutually agreeable offer which includes a closing of April 25. Yes. April 25 Ahhhhhhhhhh! We have to find a house!!!!
• March 31: Go house shopping. Look a second time at a house we had looked at in early Feb. Fall in love. Put in an offer.
  
• April 1: This date will forever live in infamy from now on... The devil. Seriously, the devil himself comes to inspect our house. Quotes from the devil: "This fridge (Brand spanking new in January) is dirty(said with utter distaste) but it works." "These to windows in the kitchen are painted shut. And they'd need supports. Could be hard on your back"(We completely redid the Kitchen in January including painting the window sills. They need to be razored, certainly. But do they have ten coats of paint on them and will never be opened again? No.) And finally the kicker...He shows the other realtor and the to-be buyer evidence of termites. And proceeds to scare the shit out of them (first home for them) telling them it is going to cost $30,000 mitigate the damage. Now, we did not know there was any termite activity in the house at all. We have done lots of work to this house and never found any sign of them. So finding termites on his part is fair. But some of the other inspectors our Realtor has talked to says there is no way it will be anywhere near that cost. Then....THEN we get the a counter from the House we fell in love with and put a bid on. And he can't be out until later in May(For three weeks either we'll have to board the dogs and move the three of us in my parents tiny extra bedroom OR for $2500 we could stay at the extended stay). Seriously nauseous now, I watch all the stuff we had just barely fitting together come crashing down. So now depending on what happens when we get a real termite inspector in here that new house may all go down the shitter. This is why I don't like getting my hopes set on things... Trying to stay positive though and I know that everything will work out eventually, its just really hard to see it that way right now.
  

If you are reading this....please send some good vibes our way. We can use anything we can get right now.....

My Bazie....

I just thought I should record some of the cute things my Bazie does now, before I forget them.

Kisses: He gives the cutest kisses. He hasn't quite figured out how to make the pucker sound, when he goes to give you a kiss he snuffs in through his nose. I think it's how he makes the pucker sound....soooooooooo cute.

Puppies:....Baze pronounces the word puppies ....Babouf..... I think the "f" sound approximates the "s" sound......Adorable!

Singing and dancing....Bazie likes to sing and dance all the time. Generally, he sings the "Brother John" Tune....and dancing...well he's got all the moves...from the Booty wiggle to the shoulder shake!

Counting: Bazie likes to point at things and pretend to count them. He did it first one day when we were getting ready for swim class. I have a series of decorative buttons on my suit and one day he pointed at one and said "uh"...then the next one "bu"..."uh" ..."oh"....etc......he's a genius!

His flirty "I'm Shy" smile. First, let me just tell you Baze is NOT shy. In the least. In fact quite the opposite. So its doubly funny when he walks up to some strange little girl or woman. Lifts one shoulder and tips his head so his ear touches that shoulder and SMILES...the cutest, most flirtatious smile he can muster.... He's gonna be a heart breaker!

You know there will be more on this subject.....

Synchronicity

...have you ever had that feeling, almost like a sound really, as if you were inside a large clock. Much like Big Ben. But bigger. And although, while you're standing there, you can definitely tell that time is passing ...you get caught up in the noise and spectacle of standing inside a large clock (I imagine, as I've never actually been inside a large clock) all of a sudden you hear the noise (or get the feeling and then hear the noise) that things are starting to line up. Gears are suddenly screaming at you to notice that they are almost aligned. And you have that sense of anticipatory excitement about the top of the hour approaching and the subsequent clanging bell.

I had this feeling right after Christmas. Actually, and it always seems to happen this way for me, I was feeling very disconnected. Very depressed, and unsure about the choices I've made regarding Baze and work (or lack thereof). I was certainly tired from the holiday and as usual a little let down. But this time it felt like more than that (probably part of my own special little version of mental illness :D). See, I have "spurts" where I feel really in tuned to myself , others, the world in general. After, many bad encounters with people and a lot of life lessons I feel like I really trust my own sense of intuition about people and timing. And I have a very creative mind. So much so, that some days its like a faucet (picture it like a magical faucet in the dessert*pop*)that I can't shut off. Every time I try to catch all the water (ideas.....inspiration) I start to fill up buckets (write...journal, craft even) but the water comes too fast. And I just can't keep up with it. And so half the water ends up evaporating as soon as it hits the hot sand. It's mostly exciting. I could really help the townsfolk (myself, my family, the greater world) with all that water. And a little bit bittersweet because of all the water that is lost in the process. During this last slump though it was like the faucet just stopped running. And then I just got soooooo thirsty. And eventually I just feel like I was getting buried in the sand. I need that water to survive. So. My point was.....all of a sudden I got that Big Ben *click* feeling. I started feeling more confident in my parenting. I started purging my house(that's a big one for me, it sort of represents letting go of my mom's thought patterns). I made a commitment to walking everyday. And I found Barefoot Books. What a good story too!

See, I found this Book of Fairy Tales at my local bookstore and I absolutely fell in love with it. And yes you can fall in love with a children's book. In fact I'm quite the Children's book slut. Which is fair since when all the people in my life failed me in various ways and at various levels. I turned to books. And you know what? I don't think I would have survived without them. So my thanks go out to all the authors who's books helped me survive.....Anyway, (geeze what a party pooper I am )...on with the story. SO, I bought this Book of Fairy Tales in like November I think. And I poured over it in the store. Admiring the beautiful illustrations and mostly classic stories that were organized by country of origin. And they are beautiful and riveting versions of all the traditional Fairy Tales to be sure. But with the impending holiday the book went up on the shelf to be forgotten. After the new year I began the household purge I was talking about earlier. And when I started sorting through Baze's books I ran across it again. And fell in love all over again. And that's when I realized the publisher was Barefoot books. Now, I've always loved to be barefoot so it felt kind of coincidental. And I just really loved the book. So I kind of scoured the book for more info on the publisher. And found their website URL. This is where my synchronicity truly began. I found that they were environmentally conscious. And that they were really working to produce high quality books, for children from all walks of life with themes that included acceptance and creativity. These are themes in my life! Then I found out you could sell Barefoot from your home. I was sold. I started selling towards the end of January. And I really feel like my faucet's back. In fact its more like a fountain! So thanks to Barefoot for helping me find me again!

Oh the Places you'll go!

Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Congratulations!Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the gal who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.
And you may not find any you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course, you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen and frequently do
to people as brainy and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.You'll start happening too.

OH! THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!
You'll be on your way up!You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.
You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don' t Because, sometimes, you won't.
I'm sorry to say so but, sadly, it's true and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch.And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.
You'll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant BUMP.
And the chances are, then, that you'll be in a Slump.
And when you're in a Slump, you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...or right-and-three-quarters?
Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?

Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.
You can get so confused that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place... ...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come,
or a plane to go or the mail to come,
or the rain to go or the phone to ring,
or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO! That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright placeswhere Boom Bands are playing.
With banner flip-flapping, once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you're that kind of a guy!
Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don't. Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win'cause you'll play against you.
All Alone!Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something you'll be quite a lot.
And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul
On you will go though your enemies prowl
On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems whatever they are.
You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know.
You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So...be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Brayor
Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places! Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting. So...get on your way!
---Dr. Seuss

New Ideas and Explorations

Brew-Ha-Ha .....for the name for a Brewhaus/Cafe style place where you could drink coffee and beer and read and commune.



Gleaner....someone who picks up that left by the reaper. Also, someone who picks stuff or knowledge up bit by bit



Cute username, that...bitbybit....reminds me of itybitty....:)



HDR -The most amazing photos I've ever seen have been manipulated this way. Ethereal.



I like little applique on clothing. I also like rickrack a lot! AND....I like collaged fabrics and patchwork quilty styled stuff. I really like things that feel comforting and ethereal and special all at the same time. Touch of the dark on my fairies....know what I mean?



The story of stuff. So cool. I should watch it a lot. ...(along with that "good day" movie I was gonna watch every day to keep me "grounded".....riiiiight)



I want to sell stuff on Etsy. BAD. I could be crafty and useful and package my adorably functional things simply and beautifully. Put order forms on the tissue? Postcard orders that fold into a box. Or comments cards? Coooool.

2 Things that make every moment worthwhile

You are 15 months old. You are big. But not just in physical size. Your soul, your heart, YOU.....are enormous. You run everywhere with wild abandon. You shriek like a siren. That pointing finger, points at everything. Sometimes I wonder if you're pointing at spirits or at things I can't see .....anymore. I wouldn't put it past you. YOU are so much. You spin and spin and spin and fall. You are hungry NOW. You are inspired to hug your classmates (even if it knocks them over and they cry), the dogs, your "babies", Daddy, me....now. Just right when I've drifted away into my head. Into the seemingly infinte "to do" list that is my life. Right when I need your soft-but-hard hugs most. And your cries, your CRIES. They are big, loud and passionate. Like blaring reminders that this....my cell phone is soooooo very important. Right now. You must have it. NOW. Or "Sippy", you must have "sippy" RIGHT NOW. You need it. Regardless of whether I am currently pouring milk into it or not. Maybe you're really trying to remind me that right now....."right now" is very important. How have I forgotten that?

Sometimes, you smile and I swear the sun pours out of your face. Like a flood of love from a burst damn. Only right now that flood is infinite. It's always there, but when you blow the dam, damn, its a wonderful kind of devastating. That's the "Love" smile. I feel a particular warmth for your, "Flirt/Coy" smile, though. It's the one where you kind of tip you're head to one side and you let the sunshine just barely peak into view. Oh. Oh oh oh, its like eating one very small piece of beautiful chocolate. Blissful but small. Not small in a bad way, more like in the way a really good wine ever so delicately offers tastes like "they" say it should. Like cherries or oak. And for that fleeting second (mostly because we can't really afford to drink this quality of wine all the time) it's like walking into a clearing of a really dense forest. That's subtle change in energy that is so wonderful. It's relief. And excitement. And a curious kind of expectation to experience it again and again and again. It's a new kind of energy deep inside. Isn't it amazing that your smile can do that to me? You don't understand now...that's good. Because once you understand you won't be feeling this way all the time. Like you do now. I'd like to revel in that for you right now.

Oh yeah, I said two things, didn't I. Well the second. The second thing is what taught me why people become parents. You see, there is a chemical response that happens when your very own child cries. It is automatic for me and very instinctual. My heart hurts with an imediacy I can't put to words. And all I can do is kiss you and want to make you feel better. Ah, but with that new sense of urgent hurt there also comes a sense of urgent joy. And that joy is what fills me every single time you laugh. If you continued to laugh all day, while I ate your tummy. I would do it all day. Because when you laugh. When you laugh....How I do I describe this?

I feel like I'm both lucky and unlucky to be the kind of person who FEELS things always ina big way. When I'm happy and inspired...I am REALLY happy and REALLY inspired. Sometimes to a fault. And when I'm lonely....I'm really lonely. And really really sad. When you laugh it's like when I used to drive some 45 minutes home from work. And I was feeling particularly inspired by a new artist or song that day. And I would blast that song and sing and scream it as loud as I could the whole way home. All the while feeling that sense of absolute bliss and connection to the world. I would roll down the windows and drive really fast; the wind blowing my hair around me. My adreniline would pump. I would hit all the green stoplights. And know with all of my being that the world makes sense. .......Your laugh is like that feeling. Only better....