Wednesday, February 13, 2008


...have you ever had that feeling, almost like a sound really, as if you were inside a large clock. Much like Big Ben. But bigger. And although, while you're standing there, you can definitely tell that time is passing get caught up in the noise and spectacle of standing inside a large clock (I imagine, as I've never actually been inside a large clock) all of a sudden you hear the noise (or get the feeling and then hear the noise) that things are starting to line up. Gears are suddenly screaming at you to notice that they are almost aligned. And you have that sense of anticipatory excitement about the top of the hour approaching and the subsequent clanging bell.

I had this feeling right after Christmas. Actually, and it always seems to happen this way for me, I was feeling very disconnected. Very depressed, and unsure about the choices I've made regarding Baze and work (or lack thereof). I was certainly tired from the holiday and as usual a little let down. But this time it felt like more than that (probably part of my own special little version of mental illness :D). See, I have "spurts" where I feel really in tuned to myself , others, the world in general. After, many bad encounters with people and a lot of life lessons I feel like I really trust my own sense of intuition about people and timing. And I have a very creative mind. So much so, that some days its like a faucet (picture it like a magical faucet in the dessert*pop*)that I can't shut off. Every time I try to catch all the water (ideas.....inspiration) I start to fill up buckets (write...journal, craft even) but the water comes too fast. And I just can't keep up with it. And so half the water ends up evaporating as soon as it hits the hot sand. It's mostly exciting. I could really help the townsfolk (myself, my family, the greater world) with all that water. And a little bit bittersweet because of all the water that is lost in the process. During this last slump though it was like the faucet just stopped running. And then I just got soooooo thirsty. And eventually I just feel like I was getting buried in the sand. I need that water to survive. So. My point was.....all of a sudden I got that Big Ben *click* feeling. I started feeling more confident in my parenting. I started purging my house(that's a big one for me, it sort of represents letting go of my mom's thought patterns). I made a commitment to walking everyday. And I found Barefoot Books. What a good story too!

See, I found this Book of Fairy Tales at my local bookstore and I absolutely fell in love with it. And yes you can fall in love with a children's book. In fact I'm quite the Children's book slut. Which is fair since when all the people in my life failed me in various ways and at various levels. I turned to books. And you know what? I don't think I would have survived without them. So my thanks go out to all the authors who's books helped me survive.....Anyway, (geeze what a party pooper I am )...on with the story. SO, I bought this Book of Fairy Tales in like November I think. And I poured over it in the store. Admiring the beautiful illustrations and mostly classic stories that were organized by country of origin. And they are beautiful and riveting versions of all the traditional Fairy Tales to be sure. But with the impending holiday the book went up on the shelf to be forgotten. After the new year I began the household purge I was talking about earlier. And when I started sorting through Baze's books I ran across it again. And fell in love all over again. And that's when I realized the publisher was Barefoot books. Now, I've always loved to be barefoot so it felt kind of coincidental. And I just really loved the book. So I kind of scoured the book for more info on the publisher. And found their website URL. This is where my synchronicity truly began. I found that they were environmentally conscious. And that they were really working to produce high quality books, for children from all walks of life with themes that included acceptance and creativity. These are themes in my life! Then I found out you could sell Barefoot from your home. I was sold. I started selling towards the end of January. And I really feel like my faucet's back. In fact its more like a fountain! So thanks to Barefoot for helping me find me again!

1 comment:

DK said...

I know that faucet in the desert feeling. And I know that feeling, maybe not exactly the Big Ben moment, but I know the feeling of coming back up, feeling like the gears start creaking and life starts falling back into place.

Glad your waters are running again. And I agree, I think the house purge is not only a good sign but very symbolic. Not to mention enviable.

And I'd totally make fun of you for calling yourself a Children's Book slut if I wasn't such a book whore myself...