Thursday, February 12, 2009

If you can't say something nice....

...take a break from blogging all together. At least, that's sort of how its gone for me. It's been a little more than two months now since last I posted. Between all of my roller-coaster riding ( of a new pregnancy right before Thanksgiving... subsequent miscarriage, 2.Joyous and family filled holidays(no traveling! Woowho!)...grieving unsharable loss then economic upheaval for the nation and world, 3.Finally progressing with making this house our home and doing some painting....old house mold issue resurfacing (to the current tune of $12,000 for which they would like a check yesterday...ha!See item 2...) But honestly, I just haven't felt like glorifying, quantifying or even recognizing for that matter all the feelings of discouragement, disappointment and downright depression I've been living. I WANT to be positive. I want to feel like this home and life we're creating is relatively stable and that as long as we have each other my little family will keep on keepin' on.... but most of the time, I'm just not feeling it. So today dear reader(s?) I mean to search my little achy(breaky) heart for some of the good things and people that HAVE happened to me since last we spoke. Without them I would have certainly sunken into the swamps of sadness.

Okay *rubbing hands together ferociously* here goes:
1.The holidays brought a plethora of friends back into my consciousness. Between meeting up with several friends I haven't spoken to in more than 8 years each and seeing close friends(in person!!) that are(daring)to fly right into their lives and perch in new neighborhoods. Re-friending(or not) seems to give amazing perspective to how much you yourself have changed/grown (or not)since last that particular friendship thrived. And it shows very clearly how much people can change in a relatively short amount of time(I guess 8 years is long...?). Also, seeing in person those friends still flying in your radar yet removed from your neighborhood is always a practice in fully enjoying and remembering how wonderful they really are in right next to you and then having to wave your hanky at their departing tail feathers once again.

2.I have been discovering more about a philosophy of education and child-rearing I had never known existed. While ultimately I think the true value of any education lies in the people who impart it, I must admit the idealist in me cannot find fault with educating whole people (mind, heart and body) through ample use of the arts and a four dimensional view of the developing human. The Waldorf philosophy,(apart from some henky bits that COULD be misused by a wayward teacher) seems to me to fit this bill. It could be that what I'm really enjoying about it, is it's exploration.... only time will tell.

4.I discovered Unitarian Universalism online(Oh internet, how do I love thee...let me count the ways...) when we were still living in Palatine. After we moved we began frequenting a UU church in our new area and have absolutely fallen in love with it. Being a weird mixture of both extremely logical and fundamentally spiritual in nature it has been like finding the home that could comfortably house both my heart and my brain. And a community that is both open minded and intelligent within whom I am thrilled to be able to bring up my children.

5.Singing has been a natural outflow of my personality since I was born, I think. And being in a band that plays regularly in small venues with person to person interaction has always been a quasi-secret dream of mine. Yes, I got my degree in Vocal Performance. Indeed, I did. But what I didn't fully realize until after I actually snatched the diploma, is that Opera singers sing in large impersonal opera halls and theatres and the relationship they have with their audience, while wonderful in its own right, is not actually the eye to eye, lets sing together kind of personal I was seeking. My high school youth leader and now long time friend and I have begun singing together (again really...)and are making a stab at that coffee house performance dream in the sky. I'm really enjoying seeing where it takes us...

I think I'll have to continue this post later as it seems my young sprite is awake and I think I've used up all the vocabulary I can muster. Maybe kind reader, we will continue this list tomorrow. If not then, soon. Until then, thanks for reading. Over and out.

1 comment:

HS @ Our Debt Blog said...

So sorry to hear about the pregnancy,