My life is like an artsy farsty clown car.

I commiserate with an awful lot of artists. I mean it, A lot. "Does that mean I'm an artist at heart?", I often wonder hopefully. I mean, I guess being a muscian makes me an artist too but its just not the same unless you've actually created the art. I feel like because I've not written the songs I sing, I really don't qualify. I've always wanted to write my own songs. But the few times I've actually gathered the courage, the result....well let's just say the result was really dissapointing.

Then there are the voices in my head that say firstly. "What about visual art? You are a visual person and you've always really enjoyed art. You love wheelthrowing and photography and have always had a secret inkling that you are an undiscovered protege painter. You like to be crafty too....if that counts." Then the second (and I think the bigger issue of the two) starts on about art not being selfless enough. "If you want your life to truly help people singing, painting or whatever other mindless day job you find does not stop people from starving or suffering. Nor does it give them a home or an education. " I wanna know what's so great about selfless that I need to attend its mass daily.

I surely hope to find the middle ground between these two sides. Ideally sooner than later because regardless of whether its a worthy job for me or not, I have the soul of an artist.